DSM3KIDZ Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 Some of you might remember me to all the knew ones hello.I am so so sad my husband told me a few weeks ago that he wished I could be more sociable than I got a knock on the door today and I was served with divorce papers. And worse yet he wont leave the house till the judge says he has to so it hurts so much seeing him everyday and him watching me cry and him acting like nothing should be wrong.I am so so so so so scared he will get custody of my 3 kids 10 7 and 5. That would just destroy me. I know his prents have alot to do with this his dad came over and hurrassed me yesterday saying I'm worth nothing and all kinds of horrible things. In front of my kids. I kept telling him to leave and he wouldn't. On Monday I'm getting a restraining order on him.Sept 18 will be our 10th anniversary. Court is Sept9 the day after my sons birthday. His parents also paid thousands of dollars for a big lawyer and i have one for 675 for low-income people.What do I do he promied he would never leave me. I stand by my vows and don't believe in divorce. I took vows and promised I'd never leave him. We promised GOD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firewatcher Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 My heartfelt sympathy is with you. My previous divorce was not over my health, but they all hurt.With all the love and support I can give over the internet. ((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))Jennifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rymac Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 I'm so sorry for you. I hope you have someone to lean on. Take care and try to be strong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
potsgirl Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 My heartfelt sympathies to you during such a difficult time. Please remember to take care of yourself...be kind and gentle to YOU. It must be very hard to have your soon-to-be ex still living in the house with you. Take the high road and stay strong. Things will work out for the best in the end. Big hugs and positive energy your way.Be well,Jana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pat57 Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 Sorry you are going through this................ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyMouse Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 My first thought reading this was "well, so much for saying 'for better or for worse, in sickness and in health' when you got married". I am sad for you and at the same time can't help but think that perhaps your future will be happier if you are not with a man who thinks so little of you. From what you wrote, he sounds quite selfish. It's an unfortunate reality that some people just can't handle being around someone who is chronically ill... it doesn't make it hurt any less though in the present moment. All I can say for now is to protect yourself emotionally as best you can and get yourself a strong lawyer who will protect you legally and help you retain your home and physical custody of your kids.hang in there and I hope that it helps to know that there are people here thinking of you.Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maggie Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 The question you asked is what do I do? The only answer is take it one day at a time, which is easy to say, but very difficult to live. I hope you have family and friends close by to lean on during this trial. It's not only hard to have the one you love see turn their back and walk away, but loosing the children will be even harder. With pots we all learn live for today and try not to worry about tomorrow. I'll be praying for you and your family. Try to deal with only the things that need to be dealt with that day and leave the rest for another day, you never know what is around the corner. Life is looking pretty grim now, but I hope the future will be brighter. Keep writing on this forum, we will all be here for you to support you in whatever way we can.Maggie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarthMother Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 The reality of your situation brings to light the thin ice that each of us tread upon, though wish it wasn't true. If not divorce, betrayal or other broken promises then illness, death or unforeseen circumstances bring us to a place where we never imagined we would stand. My heart goes out to you. As I hold you in the light of my meditation this morning, I wish for you strength and courage that you may never have known before existed within your being. And with this breath that we share in this moment and within your faith may you feel deeply loved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjt22 Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 Find a lawyer for yourself. There are all kinds of organizations that will provide free legal council for you at this time. Do what you have to do to get what you deserve as it sounds as if your husband is rail-roading you through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rene S. Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 I'm so incredibly sorry for what you are going through. My deepest sympathies. I went through the same situation. It was not pleasant to say the least.Please know that we are all here for you if you need to vent. Divorce is awful and especially when it's not expected. I've been divorced now for over a year and it's not easy. I hope you have a good support system. There's no reason why you would lose your kids. Many people have illnesses and have custody of their children.Good luck.Please feel free to PM if you'd like.Hugs,Rene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juliegee Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 (((((Dayna)))))I was so happy to see you posting, then heartbroken when I read the circumstances. You're in my prayers. Take care of yourself during this craziness. We miss you here.Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladyt Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 so sorry.. hang inn there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erikainorlando Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 The reality of your situation brings to light the thin ice that each of us tread upon, though wish it wasn't true. If not divorce, betrayal or other broken promises then illness, death or unforeseen circumstances bring us to a place where we never imagined we would stand. My heart goes out to you. As I hold you in the light of my meditation this morning, I wish for you strength and courage that you may never have known before existed within your being. And with this breath that we share in this moment and within your faith may you feel deeply loved.Boy!! Em - you really write beautifully. That is exactly it. We all...at times get to a place whee we never imagined we would stand. Then the only thing we can do is hang on and ask God for the dignity and grace to stand tall (or sit with POTS) and weather the storm. I am sorry you are going through this. I am really jumping on what everyone else posted...but I do agree with Nina...I think you will be much happier in the long run...All the best wishes for you.Erika Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommyhoney Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 I feel so bad for you & your kids, try to stay hopeful & strong. PeaceTommy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taylortotmom Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 I am so sorry for the pain you are going through right now. He sounds callous and abusive. You deserve better. Take things one day at a time. I will be thinking of you and your kids. Take care of yourself.Carmen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjan Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Sweetie I am sooo sorry {{{ HUGS }}}Have you looked up the laws in your state? Many states have no fault divorce..and..when it comes to custody..you share custody which means you both have the right to make decisions about the children over school...health and..religion.Next you work out visitation..usually with help of each of the lawyers..days..holidays.. how much of the week etc and who gets physical placement if not 50-50 in time spent with the children which is a separate issue. Some parents can work this out amicably..others cannot or do not live up to your agreement. If you cannot agree..you have to go through mediation which is a requirement with children in a divorce.. and if you cannot agree..then a court appointed guardian ad litum is provided to protect the rights and well being of the children until the issues are worked out.Alimony..or maintainence..is decided also..so don't count yourself out if you deserve it. This may end up costing HIM more than he bargained for. Lawyers know all this stuff.. and will walk you through it. Child support is also worked out separately.Many guys THREATEN to take the children away from their mothers as a form of intimidation and abuse. IT works..its scares us. But know this.. he would have to PAY a lot of money..go through family courts.. psychological evaluations (both parents) and the kids too..then counseling if needed. He can make up stuff about you.. so have your ducks in a row.. keep track of what YOU do for your children..how involved you are..how you keep your finances going.people who can attest to your character (tho may not be necessary). Many guys do not want their kids full time..alone to raise anyway..but they want to make you miserable and scared. a JUDGE will decide with the input of the Guardian Ad Litum's feedback. So.. be prepared..look up the laws etc. This AWFUL event will make you STRONGER I guarantee you!! OH..it will make you scared so you must get support for yourself. A church.. a single mothers support group.. US here on this forum... will all be there for you.YOU can PM or email me ok huh?Warmly,Jan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandymbme Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 As I mentioned in another thread, my divorce was final April 1st. The single most important thing you need to do is get EXCELLENT legal advice. (That is where I really made a huge error!) With ten years of marriage and 3 children, you are entitled to half of the marital assets at the very least! Contact your local bar association and ask for a referral to a good family law attorney, you can typically get a free consultation in you get a referral through the bar association. The attorney can tell you if you husband should be responsible for paying their fees, in which case their charges are not your problem. Remember and take advantage of anyone and everyone in your life who loves you and can help you- physically, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Pots forces us to rely on others more than we would like, but gives you the opportunity to express gratitude on a daily basis! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marni4u Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 So sorry to hear of your situation. I'm going thru similar situation right now. It is very scary and depressing. You are in my thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kjdube Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 You deserve so much more than a man who doesn't care if you cry.Great advice here. Get the best legal possible and don't be afraid to ask for help and support from friends and family. He sounds abusive and you may want to contact a women's shelter to see if they offer free counceling. They can also help direct you to legal and give advice to help in other ways, finances, children etc.Take care and be strong! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoGiuliana Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Everyone has said wonderful and supportive things. I have no new advice to add. But I am thinking of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
corina Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 i am so very sorry, you are in my thoughts dana,corina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carinara Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Iam so sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment. I have been there myself. My ex husband never took my illness serious (i wasnt diagnosed yet). He thought i made it all up and that i just didnt try hard enough. I then was alone with my little one and was very very scared. But in the end i was happy that all these negative energies my ex husband brought home every day, were gone. Even though you probably cant see it at the moment, all of this will make you stronger and in the end happier. You dont deserve something like this. You are not alone, there are higher powers that pretect and guide you through all of this. You are going to learn many lessons now that other people dont ever have to learn. Please trust life and know that something good is coming out of it in the end of the day. You are in my prayers, carinara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellajulz Posted August 13, 2009 Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 Though it may not seem to so now, but this to shall pass and will make you a better person for yourself and your children. I pray for a peaceful home for you and your 3 little ones and that the Lord will bless you with a patient and knowledgeable laywer. You may not feel it now, but you will get through this. Knowledge is power! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morgan617 Posted August 13, 2009 Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 I am so sorry. This is an all too common problem these days. Everyone wants everything to be pretty and tidy and tied up with a nice bow, and run away when things get messy. I can't add to anything anyone else said, just you will be in my prayers and thoughts. I've been there, it was a long time ago, but do know what you are going through.Keep your head up, and FIGHT for those kids, they sure don't need his weakness, they need your strength, know you are far stronger than he is. Take care of yourself and know there are many people pulling for you sweetie. morgan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted August 13, 2009 Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 I'm so, so very sorry that this has happened to you. You have been in my thoughts.Rachel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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