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moved, pros and cons


Guest tearose
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Guest tearose

I haven't posted since spring when we finally decided to sell our "traditional" house and move to a "no step ranch" house. I needed to have easier acess to all parts of our home and the stairs in the old house were truly killing me. (It was an old victorian type of house with small steep stairs and three levels of living.) One nice thing about our old home was that we were four blocks from the small town and the train station. Now we are a 3 mile drive to the nearest market and a 7 mile drive to the train. Now we need another car and everyone has a bigger commute! I feel bad that my family had to give up such a lovely location because of my health challenges. Well, I do see that I am beginning to have more energy but I quietly lament that "pots" forced us to move. I know it is alot of transition for me right now but I feel out-of -sorts. I think I'm feeling lonely and isolated now. I'm only 20 minutes away from the old town but I haven't been able to drive and I can't figure out how to meet new people. I'm trying to settle in at a pace that won't fatigue me but it still frustrates me. How did I get into such a mess? I thought at this point in my life I'd be working and doing fun stuff with friends and family. I did follow up with a disability application and my hearing date is next tuesday, this is before the administrative law judge. I guess I'm facing all my challenges at the same time. I don't multi-task well anymore. I feel so many changes. Life is very uncomfortable right now. Any suggestions? How do I talk to the judge? Do I tell her all I do to cope? I try to hide my challenges. I guess I'm facing alot of my limitations now...tearose

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Your family would rather have you with more energy than any house with location, location, location!

There's a game I play with myself called "Name It and Claim It". You might want to try it and see if it works. I name what's bugging me, speak it out loud and claim it for my own. Then I name it and claim it with my husband and if need be, with the rest of the family. Instead of 'quietly lamenting' that I forced our family to move, I spoke it's name out loud. "GUILT....MY FAULT......NOT FAIR TO ANYONE......GETTING MY MILEAGE OUT OF THAT 'SICKNESS AND HEALTH' THING......" Then I talked about it with my husband. Then, with his reassurance and support I laid it down and walked away from it. None of this is your fault!

Surely other family members got something out of this move: Kids got their own bedrooms? Their own bath to share? Bigger closets? Basement storage? A nice outbuilding for your husband? Bigger garage?

We just went from 3000 sq.ft. traditional to a 1600 sq. ft. ranch. But before we moved we made sure that there would be something in it for everyone.

We focused on our daughter first: found a wild, retro style bedspread for her and pulled all of her room colors out of that. Lime green walls, purple crown molding, white (yet white) carpet, wild orange/lime/aqua bedspread with white sheer and hot pink window scarves, beaded curtains for closet doors. She loves her new room so much that she doesn't miss her old, bigger room with the huge closet. Or her own bathroom.

My husband got a 30x40 steel building, 14' at the eaves. Monster garage! He also got a ton of "honey-dos" as the guy who lived here before thought he was Bob Vila. ("A man has got to know his limitations......." but that guy never did. So we end up re-doing dang near everything. PITA!!! I could make like "it's all my fault" but it's NOT! I'm not responsible for having POTS or for some else's halfast home repair!)

This part might be painful: Sit down and make a list of all the things you do to cope. Put with it all the things you've changed. Then put with all of that the reasons for changing and coping.......and tell it all to the judge. Write it out so you don't ramble. Give a copy to your lawyer ahead of time so that he can make it available to the judge. POTS can be very sneaky. We adapt so much that we forget to take into consideration all the impact that it has. Writing it down might make things a little clearer for you.

You sure do have a lot of challenges right now! Best of luck to you. Let us know how you come out with the judge!

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Hi tearose,

Nice to see you back.

I can partially answer the question about making new friends. I am actually in that process myself.

My "old" gang of friends went playing bowling the other day and I went to watch them. I met a friend of 20 years with which we had lost touch when I got acutely sick 4 years ago. She invited me to her place and I went this week. We plan to go out together once every second week. She says she does not mind pushing my wheelchair. She is disabled herself but we found that we like going to the movies, museum and shopping. So this is the activities we will be doing together.

I am also in a photography club. I don't take pictures with them but I learn how to judge the pictures and I spend one night per week with them. Maybe in a few months I will be able to accompany them in their outings.

Today I also called the volunteer office to find out if there is any support group. I am waiting for a call from them.

I think that it will be easier for me to make friends with other people who have disabilities because 1- they don't work, 2- they understand what it is to be sick. The trick is to find someone with the same taste and that we can help each other out.

Ernie

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Tearose,

Sorry that you are having a hard time these days. I'm also feeling miserable and not able to get around that well these days, and I know what it's like to miss out on seeing old friends. My friends have been pretty good about stopping by my place or meeting somewhere near my apartment, and that has been a big help. It's still a big bummer not being able to do all the things that you used to do.

About your meeting with the admin judge, you may want to write an outline of the history of your condition, your symptoms, your meds and the things that you are unable to do (i.e. driving, etc.) because of your condition. This way you don't forget anything and can present your case in an organized fashion. The more detail you can give the judge about your disability and how it prevents you from working, the better. You should bring copies of any related medical records if you have them too.

Good luck,

Rita

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Tearose, I am so very pleased that you have posted again. I have thought of you often since you told us you were moving and wondered how things were going in your life.

I am sorry it is so hard adjusting but first I think you must let yourself off the hook for feeling quilty. It just isn't anyone's fault when you have a loving family that wants the best for you. I know you are a very caring and nurturing mom and wife and I am sure if you asked if they would want to reverse things, they probably would not. What I hear you saying is that YOU are the one who is not sure this is the right move. I can relate. I agreed that when we moved "home" to TX that we would find a home in the country. It all sounded so wonderful! But, I too didn't realize how isolated I would feel. My husband travels a great deal for work and while I can drive the 10 minutes into our small town most days, I still need help getting to doctors appts etc in the bigger city 40 minutes away.

I haven't gone through the disability process so I am afraid I have nothing constructive to offer other than just be yourself and be very specific in describing what your day to day life is. I hope you get approved the first time through.

I hope you will start coming back more frequently. I know I must not be the only one to miss your good ideas and suggestions. I think of all your help in turning me in the right direction to buy a heart monitor. Hopefully you will find comfort here too Tearose.

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Hey, Tearose, welcome back to town! I've missed you! I only have time for a quick post at the moment--I'll put some better thoughts together later--but I just wanted to let you know I'm happy to see you back online!

Merrill

PS I'm sorry to hear that some of your woes snuck inside those boxes and transferred to the new house! They weren't supposed to do that!

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Guest tearose

Thank you all for the welcome back and all the suggestions.

With so much change, it has been hard to sit down and read from my laptop and I could not put my thoughts together.

I'm taking small steps but here I am.

My newest growth has been to accept that my condition has "not improved" and yet I still can have the hope that someday I "will improve".

I'm going to take the time this weekend and write up the challenges and coping things I have done and do because of my dysautonomia. Then, (and probably after a good cry,) I'll send my list to the lawyer who is helping me on Tuesday. It is not going to be easy but if I don't get it "all out" I'm sure I will regret it. Thanks for the gentle pushes...tearose

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Dear Tearose,

We just made a very similar move ourselves. We went form a 3 bdrm appt. to a spacous three bdm., triple garage (wood working hubby), acre of land, edge of town (quiet except for rush hour) ranch. LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

I think it was the best move we ever made. We rent at $610.00/month, that is with housing assistance. There is a school nearby and lots of kids my childerns ages. Yes, I do miss some of my neighbors, but we talk on the phone and see each other at church.

I hope you enjoy your new home as much as I do mine.

Blackwolf

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