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Do You Think This Is Strange??


cardiactec

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I started seeing a psychologist two years ago, off and on, mostly for some of the depression that comes with my multiple of illnesses. Things are better with much of the medical stuff, but I have been seeing him for more personal reasons. I recently was on a dating site and found the psychologist on the site with his own personal profile. I read it just out of curiosity and was kind of taken back/bothered when I read what he wrote about "turn ons" - he wrote that he found "erotica" to be a turn on. It kind of hurt to see this and I thought it was a bit inappropriate and lack of better judgement on his part to post something like that out for the public to view when he is in the position he is in as psychologist.

What do you all think about this? I have mentioned it to some of my friends, most think it's weird, some don't.

Any thoughts? ;)

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I don't think it's strange at all. Doctors, psychologists, etc., are just human beings, who have the same need for companionship as the rest of us.

BTW, I'll be moving this to chit chat b/c it's more about "other" than it is about dysautonomia.

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Guest brianala

Why would it be weird? He's a human being, not a robot. And he's a psychologist, not a priest. He's entitled to his own life and his own feelings. Humans generally has a desire and need to express themselves as sexual beings. His desire for companionship or his acknowledgment of himself as a sexual being does not in any way inhibit his ability to be a good psychologist.

In fact, I should especially hope that someone in a position like that has a very open and healthy expression of their own sexuality. Considering that so many psychological issues are tied up in sexual expression and identity, I would want to know that my psychologist has a healthy understanding of his or her own sexuality.

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I don't think it is strange either, and I think most men find "erotica" a turn-on (depends on the definition, I'm truly old-fashioned and may not be up to date on the current definition :huh: ) As long as he has not made a pass at you during a session, and does not mention it in your counseling, it shouldn't be an issue. Except that now you know. I would discuss it with him, if it interferes with your treatment, then have him refer you to someone else. Sexual tension is difficult to deal with in friendships or work relationships and it has NO place in the doctor/patient relationship. If you both have "feelings" for one another, he CAN NOT be your doctor! It will permeate everything that happens. Trust is a very delicate thing and if he's a good doctor he knows it and will discuss your issues. You may find that you now have simply too much information on him at this point and need to go to another doc anyway.

Good luck in a sticky situation!

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Hi Angela,

I guess it's not strange, given that you found it on a dating site- not necessarily a site where he'd suspect his patients would be. I would worry if I found out his turn on is women with multiple medical issues- yikes!

It's probably weird thinking of him in "that" way. As Jennifer/Firewatcher touched upon "transference" is very common in psychologist/patient relationships. You have a relationship where you discuss very intimate feelings and he's probably very supportive of you. You'd be inhuman not to appreciate that & often that feeling can be returned. Transference needs to be dealt with in a beneficial therapeutic relationship OR the relationship will no longer be beneficial to you-defeating the purpose.

We're all making the leap that you or he may be feeling something. SORRY if I'm way off base. Feelings are one thing, actions another :-) I hope he can continue to offer servuce without you feeling too weirded out by knowing his "turn-ons."

Julie

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I don't find it weird at all either. Hopefully he is NOT using his real name on the dating site. I do know in some cases such people as doctors or teachers like to "hide" their photos so the locals won't see them online.

but usually that can back fire. Folks think they are ugly and go by their profiles w/o trying to connect.

I tried Internet dating and know these things...i got way too many notes from guys who sounded shifty and had no photo...so they got deleted immediately...but that's a WHOLE NUTHER THREAD TOPIC! LOL

Red flags in Internet dating. They can show up in the first or second 'correspondence'.

:huh::blink::ph34r:

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I guess I see it a little different. His specialty is in trauma - that includes emotional, mental, physical, AND SEXUAL. I think it could be somewhat devastating to his clients who have trauma in their past to stumble across information like that. trust after trauma is tough and that info attached to his name could be detrimental to the emotional wellbeing of his clients.

On the flip, I have developed feelings for this psychologist, but it literally it started 3 mins into meeting him, so I can't really believe that those feelings are from transference. I told him a couple months ago about it and he tried to pathologize it, which made me mad.....He is 10 years older than me, not that much older - maybe a bad pick from the start because his age is so close to mine.

Also I tried to prove to him (even though i couldnt explain my feelings for him that occurred within 3 mins of meeting him cuz i dont really know him) that if it was a transference thing (considering my issues with trust), after I found the erotica thing, one would think my feelings would have changed for him. it was a little odd to find that info about him online considering some of the issues I have been seeing him for and the similarity subject matter. my feelings have not changed for him at all, even after finding that info, which to me, is a big deal.

I mentioned all this to my PCP without giving away the psychologists name and the PCP said in response "that is very weird"...

I think i probably need to stop seeing this psychologist, for many reasons. still it's rough, very conflicting....

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I would tell him. Explain that because of your feelings, he can no longer be your doctor and you would like a referral to another specialist that he thinks could help you. You have given him a great deal of trust, so if your best interests are his priority, he will find another good doctor who can help you without this issue being involved.

This is a VERY sticky situation and will be somewhat painful for you, but any further contact will probably make it worse.

Good luck, sweetie, stay strong!

Jennifer

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Don't be too hard on yourself. Your "feelings" seem like more of a "crush" - if you liked him right away, maybe it is based more on looks (or something else superficial) than reality. Sometimes that can't be helped. :blink:

His interest in erotica isn't abnormal, but I'm surprised that he'd put it in a public profile - where his patients could see it.

I personally feel more comfortable with a female therapist. It allows me to be totally candid about my personal life and female things (like having my period). In any case, I think a new therapist would help you to focus on the actual issues that you want to adress. It's not worth having a therapist who gives you more issues!

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Hmm, I do think that people need to be careful about what they post about their private life on public sites. Is he knowingly/willingly admitting his patients to this personal info.? I don?t think that is appropriate.

I know teachers have had problems with stuff like this and I understand why. Yes, everyone is human and a free agent, and this is a free country, but there can be conflict between sharing your personal self publicly and being able to perform your professional duties.

Anyway, from what I understand of the situation, I would seek another therapist. I know it is typical for patients to have a hard time finding a good fit with a therapist. Good luck.

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I dont think he is willingly admitting this to his patients. I ended up telling him that I saw his profile online and that specifically the "erotica" thing hurt me considering the sensitive subject matter of personal experiences of mine and issues with trust. I was pretty impressed actually, thinking that at most he would/might remove the erotica part of the profile but instead he removed his entire profile.....made me feel like he respected my thought and feelings regarding the matter.

I do understand that what people do in their personal lives is their business, but I think it should be kept just that - personal, private..... I guess the one thing that didnt make sense to me is, why put that info out there on a dating site anyway -- whether shrink or doctor or garbage man? I mean, it's not like you're NOT going to peak the interest of a potential girlfriend/boyfriend if you don't have "erotica" or something similar posted to your personal profile. ?? right? I mean, it's not pertinent information that someone needs to know about you, someone who is wanting to get to know a person - at least not INITIALLY. I can see the sexual component coming in to play later on in the game, but when first getting to know someone? I don't know. Me, personally, I don't get it. Maybe it's not so weird for others in how they view this, but it is to me just from my life experiences, beliefs, etc.....

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It would be strange if he knowingly put it out there, but I suppose I was thinking he was simply looking for a partner in life just like the rest of the world. I think, too, that he may not have really thought through the "what if one of my patients saw this" scenario... but since you told him, maybe he'll think more about that. I always think about the fact than ANYONE can read what I put here, or any other public place on the web... and even after one erases info, it may still be accessible if you know how to access previous incarnations of sites (there are archival sites that do this).

Nina

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