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Are We Too Much To Handle???


shelby
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Okay just a little venting. Met this guy a while ago as friends and recently it turned romantic. I told him about my health conditions when we started our friendship and he told me about his kid and stuff. So he introduces me to the kid and his mother and things are going swimmingly. Then on a date I get sick in front of him...I called my mother and father and had them come so he could go through the first time with help. So they get there I pass out and onward we go. So this weekend he tells me..."I dont think this can work. You are too much to handle. If you weren't so sick we might be able to make this work out." Um I expalined this before I met all his family and he met mine and we got involved. So are we too much to handle? I know some of you are married, so I have faith there is someone out there. I just got real upset cause he was like "your great and your sweet and I really like you...but" I mean come on tell me I talk to much or I have some kinda personlity flaw, not like that would have made it better.

So onward to dating again. Lets see if we find someone else, better suited.

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Hey Shelby. Not everyone has the strength to handle all of our stuff... but there are definitely people out there who CAN and WILL... willingly and lovingly. Onward!

Nina

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He is so not the guy for you! Don't look back! If he has a child he already has his hands full and his first responsibility is to the child. This doesn't mean that you can't be in a relationship and have kids and have pots r be with someone with pots. But not everyone can juggle this life. My husband has his moments when it is too much for him. I have learned through the years that people who want to be with you will find a way to make it work. Wait for the one who will do this and focus on the family and friends who are already in your life. Hang in there.

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Sorry sweetie. Better to know now than wind up with children of your own with this man and find out he isn't up for the journey.

I know my husband often has regrets ... because quite frankly I AM WAAAAAY too much to handle! But he loves me. And on those times when things are so hard and I am a puddle on the floor, I ask him "How can you love me, what is there still that is lovable here?" And he touches me softly and says "I love holding you. You are the mother of my children and I will always love you."

When you find that person .... it won't be an issue of how much there is to handle ... but of how much there is to love.

Meanwhile, know that you ARE loved right now, in the space you are in, by those who are around you. Love is about what we are feeling in this moment ... not about who we are with at any given moment in time.

In Love.

~EM

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Hi Shelby--Sara's second marriage is about to end because of her illness. Her first husband was just a jerk---he left her with no money, and no income,and took almost everything with him. He just said he didnt want to deal with a sick wife anymore. He said he was young and wanted to have fun....Sooooooo..... Then she married again and this guy is basically sweet, but he has medical issues of his own and is simply not able (physically or mentally) to care for her. So she will be moving back home with her Dad and me. She would love to find someone to share her life with, but it takes a very special person to live with another with a serious medical problem. Do not give up, there are many on this forum who are in stable, loving relationships. It is important that you do not give up on having as normal a life as possible.

Take care,and keep the faith-----

Love,

Susan :D

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When you find that person .... it won't be an issue of how much there is to handle ... but of how much there is to love.

So well said! I'm 35 and have only been married a couple years, but it looks like dysautonomia might be taking childbearing away from us. My symptoms keep worsening, and we don't know if my body could handle the stress of pregnancy. My husband was really depressed but came to the point where he said that I was more important to him than anything else. When I'm feeling my worse, I ask him what he still sees in me because it seems like I can give nothing back during those times. He says he'd still choose me anyway.

We can't go camping or hiking anymore like we used to, but two nights ago I felt up to a shopping trip and he pushed me around the mall in my wheelchair. We went out to dinner too. I think time spent together is even sweeter now because we each appreciate how much the other person works to make it happen.

My mom has metastatic cancer, and has an amazing, hopeful outlook. Yesterday she said that sickness doesn't have to rob us of our time, relationships, or hope. It doesn't matter if you are bedridden or housebound because if you are committed to making your little world a more cheerful place, often the people around you forget that you are sick.

Keep hoping and trying. Janie

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My Christmas present was a proposal and a ring....so I know that there are people out there! I had a high school relationship end because I was sick...not that it would have necessarily lasted anyway, being high school and all...but I think that some people are still stuck in that kind of mindset. With my fiance, we compromise. If we had plans to go out, and I feel too weak to go, he'll come over and watch a movie with me and then go out on his own or with one of his housemates. (we're in college). When I do feel up to going out, he makes sure there's a place for me to sit and that we can leave if we must (like if we car pool, we make sure he drives one of the cars). I feel like I'm getting a little off topic, but you can find someone who will love you "despite it all." I wouldn't be me if I hadn't gone through all of this-my fiance knows that. So know that it's not hopeless and jump back on the dating horse when you are ready!

Meg

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So well said! I'm 35 and have only been married a couple years, but it looks like dysautonomia might be taking childbearing away from us. My symptoms keep worsening, and we don't know if my body could handle the stress of pregnancy. My husband was really depressed but came to the point where he said that I was more important to him than anything else. When I'm feeling my worse, I ask him what he still sees in me because it seems like I can give nothing back during those times. He says he'd still choose me anyway.

Janie,

You can still be a Mother and a family, even if you did not give birth. Adoption is always an option, but Motherhood is HARD. It is harder than I ever even dreamed, and harder still when I was at my sickest. Once you are better and your health weighs on you less, think about children. There are too many out there who don't have loving homes. Chin up, if you are meant to have children in your lives they will come!

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Janie,

You can still be a Mother and a family, even if you did not give birth. Adoption is always an option, but Motherhood is HARD. It is harder than I ever even dreamed, and harder still when I was at my sickest. Once you are better and your health weighs on you less, think about children. There are too many out there who don't have loving homes. Chin up, if you are meant to have children in your lives they will come!

Thanks. We haven't given up hope entirely, but we're trying to be thankful for what we have right now too in case my health keeps declining. We've been investigating our options as far as adoption or even fostering, but some days I can't even bathe or cook because of dysautonomia symptoms. We're praying for a good treatment regimen at Mayo in 2 weeks. I haven't really been to any dysautonomia expert yet.

Thank you for your encouragement. Janie

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I have been married for 9 years to the most amazing man alive. When we got married I was a nurse, working full-time and he had crashed a plane 9 years ago - so he had medical issues (and needed insurance) of his own. 2 years into the marriage, I got sick.

Never has a man and his WHOLE family, rallied around anyone like he did.

But there are some days when he simply says, "I'm sorry, I just can't deal with you today". And I understand. We have friends who can step in for the odd day now and then.

There ARE people out there who understand, and who will (willingly) deal with us.

Just keep looking!

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Thanks all for your great responses. I am now talking to a man who is really sweet, but we are just taking things slow and doing the friend thing first and see where that goes. I will find my one and only, but it might take a bit. I am patient though. Good luck to all of you who are also looking.

I hope Sara finds strength through this hard time.

Shelby

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Shelby,

I'm sorry that you had to go through this. Yet, it shows us that there are different kinds of people out there; those who can handle life stressors, and those who can't. I have a lot of friends who just can't "deal with it", and some members of my own family also. I know we hear this all the time, but a big thing is learning not to take it personally (we'll see when I take my own advice... :( . At least this guy was able to tell you "I can't handle this" - try not to think of it as "YOU are too much to handle" - because YOU are not; in reality, it's the situation itself. It is seeing someone you care about feeling sick, & feeling helpless, etc., that I think is most trying on some people.

I'm glad you did find this out now, and just know that there are good guys out there, somewhere, who can handle this situation much better. They may need a break every now and then, not from you, but from the situation - as for many people, it is their first time dealing with anything like this.

You did the right thing in being open from the beginning, and I'm so glad you are able to move on now with some clarity and to know that the right guy is out there somewhere! We are so much more than patients with POTS - and the right people will know this and see it, and love us for who WE are.

Chrissy

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