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If You Could Start Your Life Back What Would You Change?


Ernie
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Hi,

Knowing I have POTS and NCS I would not push myself like I did for so many years. I would trust myself that there is something wrong instead of believing the doctors who were saying that it was all in my head. I would never take the med that turned me into a disabled person.

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I would have kept myself in shape so that I don't have to be so much worse from deconditioning. I didn't even know there was anything seriously wrong with me until then, during college when I was working on projects cooped up in my room. If I had kept in shape, I would have graduated by now. Deconditioning ruined everything. I just thought my body was odd and sensitive, not haywire like now.

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When i first became sick, my daughter was only 2 years old. I couldnt stand at all then and i felt soooooo sick all the time. My doctor didnt beliefe my suffering. He just told me, that i must suffer from some kind of anxiety and that its all in my head.

If i would have known then what i know now. I would have trusted myself more and not listen to what my doctor said.

I was reading a million anxiety books and got so scared and insecure about myself. I missed so much quality time with my daughter because i wasnt the mother i wanted to be. I couldnt stand longer than one minute and was bedridden for a while. Everybody told me i shoult just try harder and i had such a very bad consciense all the time. I cried a lot because i just wanted to run around with my little one. And i couldnt because of something that is just in my head???

If i could turn back time, i would be much more relaxed now because i now know what i am dealing with.

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If I could spin back the hands of time, I would NOT MAKE MY FRIEND'S HUSBAND MY DOCTOR! He countered every complaint I had with "well what did you expect, you just_____________" had a baby, have asthma, have mono, aren't sleeping well, and on and on and on. I should have answered: "Well, I expect to be able to do what my out of shape, 50 year older Grandmother can do!!!!!!!!!" :blink:

If I could go back farther, I would have never gotten married the first time... :(

If I could go back even farther, I would have "pushed through" one of my POTS episodes while on the track in High School and fainted, just to stop the coach from yelling at me for being lazy!

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I maybe would have had my kids earlier in life (not that it was so late - 24 yrs old at the 1st one, 26 at 2nd) and had more of them before I hit rock bottom. Now, it would be WAY too hard on me. I always wanted 4, but now am happy that I could even have the two I do.

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Would not change a thing, I would not be the same person without this entire experience or any of my past experiences so i would keep the same to keep myself 'mental' the same because I love myself and would not want myself as a different person. Everything life throws your way makes you who you are.

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For the most part, I would do it all the same, minus not going on that bike ride that caused over-exertion the first time and the start of POTS and than going back to work after my daughter was born causing the second and worse ever flare that I'm still in years later. But I'm trying to learn from it and realize what my limits are and make decisions that are best for me and not do what others around me think I should do or not do.

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