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A Rough Time


mrsdavidson8605
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I just have to post something. I know we are all struggling, and i'm just greatful to have all of you who TRULY understand what really goes on..

With that said, I am just really at the end of my rope. (although I say that, and somehow, more "rope" keeps appearing). My illness is affecting my marriage, and my relationship with my friends.. or so called friends.. I had a friend send me a message telling me that I neeeded to quit "wollowing in my own self pitty" and "stop taking POTS as a negative thing" after I made a comment about being tired of being sick. I know it sounds petty, but it really hurt! I just don't understand people I think they look at us and think "gee, she's been sick for a long time now, shouldn't she be better? it MUST be in her head!!!" It's rediculous that I have to continually prove myself over and over, ON TOP of being sick. I know i'm preaching to the choir here, but it just makes my blood boil!

Anyway, I called the doctor today because my blood sugar has been spiking high. This afternoon it was at 337, 2 hours after eating a healthy meal. Of course, nothing was done about it... grrr.. well I better get to bed. I'm sure this message will not make much sense when I read it in the morning, but I had to vent.. Praying for all of you :)

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Guest tearose

You make sense and I hear you!

You are sure to survive this rough time by the mere fact that you are struggling with all these issues and trying to improve them. I am just going to give you some things I would be thinking if this was my situation. This is just my style of processing the rough times. Take what may work, let the rest go, then make your own solution

In no particular order:

1)Meditate. Let the thoughts all go. Empty your mind of all these troubles. Some answers will come to you!

2)Think about the word rope. Imagine good things that a rope can be or do. It may be that you visually take a rope lasso something bothering you, bring it closer, examine it and resolve it. A rope may be a good visual thing if you work with it! Rope can be a lifeline. Rope can be prayer beads. Rope can be a favorite necklace or a beautiful scarf.

3)Allow yourself to grieve. Cry if you want, scream if you need, let go of any frustration, saddness or hurt. Then acknowledge these as valid feelings.

4) Now that you are sitting with an open heart and open mind, what do you wish to change and what can you change? Maybe it is time to open the door to new friends, maybe old friends need some attention, sometimes our friends are scared or worried and just don't know what to do or what to say.

5) I don't know about blood sugar but if it is a problem you deal with, you may need to redo the treatment formula with your doctor.

6) Try to recognize you are stronger than these challenges. You have special talents and gifts and will feel better once you remember these and use them

7) Even though I too feel alone at times, and we are at times, you are not alone unless you want to be. Strike the balance between how much time you are alone and how much time you are out in the world. You need both.

I am sitting beside you. Your dinet family is here too. Take a deep breath, let go of these worries and allow for answers to appear.

best regards,

tearose

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Oh Kansasgirl-

Tearose has posted so beautifully, there's nothing I can add, but my prayers, good thoughts, and hugs.

337!!!!! Way high. Metformin didn't work. Have you tried the Avandia yet?

Julie

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Guest Sandy Sims
Oh Kansasgirl-

337!!!!! Way high. Metformin didn't work. Have you tried the Avandia yet?

Julie

How do I say this--again it's time to find another doctor.

At 337 you really should be in an ER. If this got you no response then it's obvious you're dealing with a doctor who does not beleive you AT ALL.

Time to try another one. And you "may" have to start all over again. For SURE take the machine with you to an appt with a new doctor to show them this.

BTW YES I KNOW this stinks.

But I have no other options to suggest.

No doubt you will continue to be very ill with this sort of blood sugar.

Sandy

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I too have lost my closest group of friends in the last three or four months - even though they will never admit they are truely not my friends anymore. I've tried so hard to show them and prove to them that this thing is real and I fight with it every day! But every time I have tried, they don't really hear me anyway. I gave up on trying when I had a big blowout with one friend in particular. I considered her my best friend, now we barely talk. I was having a REALLY rough day and crying and she came in the room where I was by myself. I wasn't even going to talk about it, but she kept asking. I just said it sucked and I was sick of it all (that's it - no more). She said (and I quote) "Well, I'm not the pittying type." Excuse me? Did I ask for her pitty - no!!! I responded, "I'm not looking for pitty, I'm looking for understanding! I'm looking for a friend! This NEVER goes away and you all act like it should. I can't do everything you expect me to be able to do" I haven't brought up the conversation or POTS since - to anyone outside my family. I figure it's a loosing battle anyway.

I really don't complain that much... never have. Just when I'm having a REALLY off day. I'm coming to terms with it slowly. I still have pitty parties for myself from time to time, but who wouldn't?!?! I can't do half of what I could a couple years ago, but more importantly... life goes on. If I loose my friends, it's just one more symptom on a list of many! It *****... just like the rest of the symptoms!!

The important thing... I know how I feel. I know it's real and there every stinkin' day! My husband, kids, parents, sister... all know it's real and are standing by me. I'm lucky for that much! I've actually met a couple new friends lately. They know me this way, not the old way. So, at least so far, they have accepted me for what I am and the disease that I have.

We are all thinking of you and feeling your pain! I'm not in alcoholcs annonomus, but they have a great saying which I'm sure you've heard. I like the first bit best... Give me strength to accept the things I can not change... Maybe this is a bad way to look at things, but if I look at it any other way, I get mad, lonely, and depressed. I can't live like that! And yeah, I say this today and a week from now (or a month or year) I'll probably be feeling sorry for myself yet again and try to win my old friends back because I'm lonely. That's when I'll turn to me dinet friends to lift my spirits. That's why I love this forum so much!! Who really needs friends like that anyway? I would rather have one or two REALLY understanding, loyal friends than a roomfull of poeple that call themselves my friends, but who would ditch me at the first sign of trouble.

Keep your head high... don't let them get you down! We are here for you and understand, even when no one else does!

Hollie

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Tearose said it all with Grace and compassion. Deep Bow.

On a practical matter about the blood sugar spike, I know people with Type II diabetes who spike like this all the time. You may want to write down what you ate and in what portions. When I was going high (I tended not to go over 165) I realized that there were some foods -- even some healthy foods -- that I simply could not eat. Like one bite of banana or a half of carrot could spike my sugar reading back then. The other thing was volume. I simply could not handle a "full meal" when I was having problems with my sugar. I really needed to eat smaller meals all through out the day -- and I still do actually. Follow your heart and trust that everything changes and that the answer is unfolding even now.

Illness can be like Religion and Politics when it comes to friends ... everybody seems to have such intense beliefs and many feel they need to convert you over to their way of thinking. One of my dearest and oldest friends believes that our words shape our future. So if I say -- "My body is sick" -- I would be creating a sick body in her belief system. Take that a step further ... if I am indeed sick, it means that I have brought this on myself. All of us here know better ... but those without the veil lifted around chronic illness still walk in the fog of this fantasy. And I have realized long ago that there is no changing anyone and it is not worth my efforts to try and attempt to do so. What I can do is love them, just as they are, unconditionally.

Because we know in our hearts that we are this way because of our DNA and our experiences in life and that indeed we could be no other way but this at this time ... we also realize that our friends and family are also exactly as they are because of their situation. Our illness is obvious ... their illness may take the form of ignorance or illusion. But the reality is, this is how it is. And for right now, it can be no other way. So we accept this present moment ... warts and all. We open our hearts and love all that we can bring in to the light. And we pray that everyone may be free from suffering.

Salubrious,

~EM

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Just as an afterthought ... and along the lines of "keeping it real" .... I thought I should add that even though at times the words can flow from a space of stillness and grace for me, it is also equally true that I suffer deeply on a daily basis with this illness and my struggle with the symptoms.

Shortly after posting above, I had a huge body flair -- nausea, pain and the intense feelings of "flu" that seem to come on for me suddently without any noticable cause. Did I meditate? Nope. Couldn't the pain was too intense. Did I cultivate loving compassion. Nope. Wasn't available to me in the moment. Did I sit quietly with myself until it passed? Nope. The surge was beyond what I was able to sit with. What DID I do? I woke up my husband, felt like crap about doing that, and sat with the fan on high (which I know upsets HIS system, felt like crap about that too) and cried for 30 minutes until it passed as my husband held my hand.

SO! I know the place of "end of my rope", ruining my marriage and losing my friends and I did want to let you know for what it is worth that even though it FEELS like you are alone in your journey ... there are those of us who deeply understand your pain.

May we each be free from suffering. (Old Zen Prayer)

~EM

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The Serenity Prayer

Path

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

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you have some great advice already.

I think of my rope as often needing another KNOT in it to keep hanging on...after years of this, my rope has many knots. :)

Re: Meditation, as Earthmother wisely put it, sometimes you just gotta have your 'real moments'. We do not all have husbands, or friends to wake up in the middle of the night so we need to develop our own coping mechanisms...sometimes a laptop in the middle of the night (or any computer) is a godsend to vent.

I can NOT hardly EVER do still meditation but do mindful meditation...you can google that term...where you just focus on something like washing dishes, petting a dog or cat, or to calming music. With adrenalin surges, it's often impossible to STILL our thoughts...so I have learned the Art of Distraction...but also do not let things fester or get bottled up.

Try not to talk about your illness in detail to real life friends on a regular basis...it's exhausting if they don't get it...AND there is that fine line between self pity and reality of our days. If folks TRULY could live in some of our bodies and understood our fatigue, they would've leaped off a tall building a long time ago.

Read books on coping with Chronic illness if this helps...and as far as your doctor, if you have diabetes and are NOT being taken seriously, fire the doctor, nicely---don't burn bridges, and find somebody else.

Hope you are doing better at this moment. I lately live "a couple minutes at a time" and stay in 'the moment' ....no easy feat.

Mama and baby moose, just a few hours old from my sister's friend's Alaska home last year.

moose7-1.jpg

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I saw an article in the news today on Avandia and remembered that I had read about Avandia here on DINET so I thought I'd post the link if anyone is interested

I certainly would NEVER stop taking a drug (or start for that matter) based on what I read in what passes for news these days. But I might give my Doctor a jingle if I wanted to get some better information.

http://www.reuters.com/article/marketsNews...454269820081125

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