For Mature Adults Only

[Ernie]

Hi Melissa,

Thanks for the link to the forum. I looked at it and I like it very much. I think it will be helpful for me.

[Heiferly]

Ernie,

First of all, I want to say I believe you and I am so sorry and words fall short of ever being able to communicate in this kind of circumstance. But I am thinking of you and sending you love and hugs and support.

Secondly, where are you? Are you in the US? The woman from the hospital really seems to be lying or not know what she is talking about. You have the right to say who cares for you and if you have a history of sexual trauma, it is entirely not unreasonable for you to request that in the future only females help with your personal hygiene. That is your right as a patient. If you are in the United States, there is free legal aid if you need help. I don't know about other countries but maybe others can help. Patients do have rights.

Love,

Heather.

[Ernie]

Hi Heather,

[ajw4790]

Ernie,

Sorry that I am a little behind here in responding. Ernie, I am so sorry. It is so awful the things that some people will do to other human beings. What he did is so beyond words... The original actions that were taken by him were reprehensible, inhumane, etc. Then, to just make things even worse the hospital etc's lack of response to this is purely inexcusable, and to allow someone like that to work around people... I am pretty much beyond words. No one should ever be treated like this.

I can only hope that over time he and those who stood in the way of protecting patients will be caught and brought to justice. I hope that you continue to be able to deal with this awful experience and seek help from those around you. I hope that you are able to find support through support groups, womens groups, or counseling.

I think that it is brave and amazing that you have done so much to stand up to him, and return to that hospital as needed to accompany your family members. You are a VERY strong person. Continue to not let him ruin or run your life, but keep yourself safe. I hope that others will be able to go with you whenever you return to that hospital for appmts.

Stay strong and we believe you!

[pat57]

I think being able to talk about it is a step toward healing. I also think denial is a normal first response- sunfish. Certainly,

along with other possible responses. I have been through the healing of trauma and a want to let you know that I experienced the full

pain of the matter at first in very small doses, a few seconds. After I understood that I would not die from the trauma - and with gradually increasing doses - I am free of "the pain". I absolutely positively can say that I am a better person for the experience. I have walked through the trauma of other women with them and they were so thankful. I believe it was my place at that time to be there for them as their Higher Power was providing care to them. I would not have changed anything because I loved those women and my life was so full of meaning to be there for them. I'm sure you understand this because of your dedication to your family.

I don't know about you Ernie but I went numb and felt nothing- during, which I welcomed and even meant to bring about. Later in life I found myself "going numb" involuntarily, and my life was very flat. It came about that flashes of the events forced themselves into my consciousness and I "had" to seek help.

It was my mind opening the door just a tiny bit because I was ready for the healing process. All this is to say that you are in the process your mind and body want to heal . You can trust the wisdom in your being. Sadly you will not be excused from the pain. "We" certainly do not want to go there. However the way to healing is though the pain not around. When I say through I mean like the doorway. You step into it and then you are out of it.

If it gets too hard, back off. Don't rush. And I do not advise going alone. You may be a very strong person, but some things are not meant to be borne alone.

Much love and some tears- for you...........

[morgan617]

Sweet Ernie, you know how I feel about all this, but I am so proud of you for coming into the open about it. What a big step! I am glad you have received so much support here. My heart is with you.

(Heather, I am one of the 4 that paralyzes too, and if you paralyze like Ernie and I, you would definitely know that indescribible (sp) feeling of vulnerability ernie must have felt) I know I do. it's about the scariest thing about the paralysis.

Sunny fish, I am going to look into the site too!

Sending you love and hugs Ernie! morgan

[dizzygirl]

ernie.. still thinking of you dear....I just cant imagine being in aparaylsis eppy _they are horrible that alone....let alone having that happen to you.. again i hope that you are able to heal and find an outlet.. as well as get justice!

much love to you

linda

[sheba]

Im so so sorry this happened to you, I feel so bad for you and you are in my prayers. I hope that you continue to be strong and hold on and justice will prevail. He will more than likely do this again to someone else, I hope not but if he does I hope he gets caught. Thank u so much for sharing this with us. I know how it feels.....

[Miriam Poorman-Knox]

Ernie

You are such a strong soul. I have experience in both areas, and if they are threatening you, have your identity hidden. Also all hospitals must respect patients needs. ? Any religious or cultural reasons..... PM me if you need any. Don't let them intimidate you. Keep a diary as much as you can. Bless ya

Miriam

[Mary P]

Dear Ernie,

What an evil excuse for a human being that would take advantage and commit such an abhorent crime on a completely helpless person! I've lost sleep thinking about what you had to endure at the hands of a rapist, and you could do nothing about it. No one can know what you went through and are still going through.

I haven't been able to read all the replies but reaching out for help with a women's centre is great. I'm sure they'll advise what else you can do. My first thought was to contact someone you think you can trust at a newspaper in your city, or a TV help line. You don't only need support from a Women's Crisis Centre. You really do need to get the word out that there is a rapist in that hospital. Who knows how many other helpless people he has raped? Perhaps if your rape were to become known by the entire community, something might be done to stop him, arrest and bring him to trial. I think that if an investigative repirter were to start asking questions around the hospital, or jusy outside its doors if this had to be done, would get the ball rolling and eventually the rapist would be caught. He'd be shivering in his shoes if he were to know that he were soon to be found out.

I'm suggesting all this, Ernie because I was sexually abused when I was just 10 yrs old. I'm now 70 yet your sharing of this most horrific of all crimes against women took me back to my rape. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't think anyone would believe me, not when I was a very young child way back in the 1940s. I've never sought help and so I have never truly dealt with it. So the torture of that experience lives on and on, every time I hear of another woman being raped or injured sexually in some way. Please keep telling everyone you see until you get the help you need to have this raprist found out and sent to prison for the rest of his life.

My prayers are with you, Ernie. God Bless you and bring you the strength you need to deal with this. You will be a hero for many. You are already a hero for me, having had the courage and strength to share thia with us. You have always been a hero because you're always the first one to offer a word of advice or encouragment whenever we nneed to share a concern. I wish I could share with my family and be understood and treated with respect, just as you and so many others on DINET offer.

Mary P

Mary P

[Michelle F.]

Ernie,

I read your post, but I have not read all of the responses. I do not have words of wisdom to offer, but I do have love and support to give. I am so sorry. One (maybe more) responses said to "SCREAM". I have to agree! Not only will you be helping yourself, but you will be working toward saivng future victims.....maybe not necessarily only "his" victims. If you keep screaming, maybe consequences will come and then other would-be violators would be deterred.

I am so angry and so filled with compassion for you. Though I have not met you, you are quickly becoming someone I greatly respect. I believe coming here for support was a great first step, but it needs to not be your only step.

SCREAM!!!!.....until someone will listen! Consider contacting an organization that specializes in helping rape victims. You are a brave woman.

Hugs,

Michelle F.

[Ernie]

My dear loving friends,

Thank you so much for your encouragement. You always find the right words to touch my heart.

Love to all,

[Ernie]

Hi,

[firewatcher]

Ernie, I am so sorry on so many levels. What did your doc there say? Can he recommend another researcher and will he share his data on your family with them? Are you getting the emotional support you need to get through this?

[Ernie]

Hi Firewatcher,

[firewatcher]

Oh Ernie,

Hang in there! I think your decision is the right one. No one has any right to treat you that way and for that institution to act the way they have instead of with support is appalling. I wish the researchers were not so egocentric. I have noticed that about doctors, it's like patients are turf. Please try to do something/anything fun and be around people who love and support you. Don't second guess yourself! It will drive you crazy.

Jennifer

[mkoven]

Ernie,

I'm so sorry. So the ombudsperson didn't sound receptive or able to help advocate for you? I agree that if there is no "righting" of things, it would be too awful to go there.

It's also awful that the abuser will still keep his job and may be a repeat offender. It's too bad that the hospital isn't at least interested in minimizing further harm to others-- seems at the very least irresponsible (and other things that I have more colorful words for). Would contactng an outside lawyer be worth your time/energy/money, or is it better for you to just cut your losses?

[Tammy]

Ernie,

Thank you for pursuing correction to what was done to you so that it prevents him from doing it to someone else. No matter how hard the fight might get, don't give in or else he wins. You are right in stating that rape victims are violated twice, once by the person who did the act and second by the system or those around them who may not believe the victim or just look the other way. I'm so sorry this happened to you and hope you can find peace with the help of support sites, a good psychologist and family and friends. Someone who can understand and relate to what has happened and how they coped could be very helpful. Take care,

Tammy

[runningshoe]

I hope that 2009 brings you the resolution and peace you deserve.

[MightyMouse]

There is an adage: take care of yourself that you may better take care of others.

Do not regret your choice to let go of your genetic study; your health here, and now matters more, and that includes your psyche.

Nina

[Rachel]

Dear Ernie,

I'm so sorry that the Ombudswoman continues to be so awful. And I'm sorry that the research has to stop because of this. I hope you can find another researcher, at a good hospital, who is interested in studying your family.

Take care of yourself. I pray that you will find the healing and peace that you need.

Rachel