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[Ernie]

Hi,

[mom4cem]

I don't know what to say but that I am so upset and sorry to hear of that horror and please know I will be keeping you in my thoughts to get through this.

That said, they must be able to do something. I'm disgusted to think that someone like that can stay at their job, and the thought that this could happen to others too is scary. How does his word enable him to keep his job? Seems a full investigation would be warranted and that I would think would include the police speaking to him and at least having him temporarily out of work until all the facts are gathered and heard. At the least the police should be on top of it. Not to have his address, what is that about. He is an employee of the hospital, they have his record and if it is related to a complaint that is one of the first things they get. Have the police not spoken to this lowlife? It's not like women have not come forward later after such an ordeal and have been able to get justice. There is something wrong there. Equally frustrating is that they hospital would love nothing more than to sweep it under the rug and ask you to go somewhere else, the nerve. They have to make some accomodations for you, so you can continue to be seen there. What about having only female employees or a female employee has to be in the room anytime a male employee is in the room with you?

What about contacting a womens crisis center? They may be able to help you with what to do next, who to speak to, etc., since they train and deal with these types of crisis one on one.

I'm a little frustrated and upset right now after reading your post so my thoughts are scattered.

I can't imagine how painful this is for you to have kept inside and to have to keep reliving in order to get some justice. I wish I could be of some help.

I'm with you in spirit and support. Please keep us informed.

You are one strong woman. Stay strong.

[taylortotmom]

Ernie,

First, thank you for feeling comfortable with sharing this- it must be incredibly hard to have to acknowledge on a forum what happened. I cannot fathom the reaction of the hospital and the police- rape is not taboo, it is a crime- and the sadistic coward that took advantage of you needs to be punished. Furthermore, he needs to be removed from the environment where he can continue to abuse. Chances are very high that you were not the first nor last person he has done this too- and chances are very good that other victims were/are nonverbal and defenseless. Scream, Ernie. Honestly, do not stop until someone listens to you. Have you told the research practitioner? The hospital is liable for this and I would threaten lawsuits- media coverage- whatever it takes to make them realize you are coherent, sane, and not going to let this be brushed aside. You have your family that believes you- we believe you- take care of yourself but don't let this rest. You deserve to have some type of acknowledgment of what happened- be it through the judicial system and/or hospital. Don't be a silent victim- you aren't silent anymore- scream.

Carmen

[Troy]

Im so sorry to hear that, that is so horrible but whats even more horrible is the reaction you got from the people you've told about it, its equally shocking that no ones done anything about it.

It feels surreal when you find yourself in a situation where something horrible has happened but you cant get justice and find yourself thinking why isnt anyone doing anything about this, the people who should be enforcing justice are either morons trying to cover things up by saving their own backside or they simply dont believe you and want more evidence and which means when that guy should be locked up behind bars his allowed to continue working, and its you who suffers. What a crazy world!!!

The best thing you can do in a situation like this is not to give up. Create such a fuss over it by any means possible such as going to the media, news papers, oprah, dr phil show contact other police departments if you have to, go to a legal aid service and contact various departments and organisations out there that will fight for you, do whatever it takes to get justice for whats happened to you, unfortuantely sometimes you have to fight for your right and push things to the extreme to get results which you cant at the moment due to the incompetency of the people you've complained to. When you finally get some justice then complain about all the departments that failed to help you including the police for ignoring a serious matter.

When you have finally done all that then you can put all this behind you and look at recovering and the healing process but for now you have a war to fight because if you dont then this monster will get away with what he did to you and most likely offend again. All the Best

[EarthMother]

First, I am so sorry for you.

Next, I agree with mom4cem ... I should think a women's organization or a rape hotline would be the place to go. They will likely be the ones who would hear about other cases and may have information that will help you with next steps.

Follow your heart with this one, whatever it wants to do, for as long as you want to do it.

May you find peace and be free from suffering.

~EM

[mountainsunflower]

This is why so many crimes go unreported. It is so upsetting that someone who is a victim is treated as though they did some thing wrong or has to fight to prove themselves and get justice. I want to tell you sorry, but that doesn't even express what i feel and it doesn't make you feel any better. However, know that i am thinking of you and hope you find justice- somehow. You should not have to feel afraid in a hospital- you should feel safe and this angers me so much!!!!

[JaneEyre9]

Ernie, what you went through is utterly evil and a horrendous violation, and to make matters worse, you have been victimized repeatedly afterward by the hospital's response, the police response, and having to see that man again. I am so saddened and angered by what's happened to you. What is even worse is that I'm not entirely surprised by the completely unacceptable response you've received. My family has experienced serious violations and crime that is unspeakable, and we have also been brushed off by police and those in authority. I understand your fear about the psychological label and think you were wise to think about that possibility when you were already taken advantage of in your vulnerable state. When you are in a situation like that, it can make you feel so utterly alone, and so I'm glad you felt safe enough to speak out here to get some support.

The advice to call the rape crisis hotline (or visit a crisis center) is excellent because they will know the best way to support you. I have to say that I'm continually amazed by how people, who have the responsibility to protect, let us down, disappoint us, and perpetuate injustice by "looking the other way." It's easy for me to say to you what to do, but the reality of the matter is that it is not only very complicated and difficult to get the right help, it's also emotionally traumatizing to keep reopening this terrible wound. When you add your physical illness on top of all this, getting justice is like climbing a steep mountain.

I will pray for you to get justice in this awful situation.

Kristen

[juliegee]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Ernie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Julie

[Tessa]

Hi Ernie

Do not be ashamed for telling us, but be proud of having been so brave to share it. I am so sorry that you had to go through such a terrible experience. I wish I could say or do something to help you cope with it, but I am sure that you need help from a support group specialised in rapes and/or a professional, not only our support and your relative?s.

Do not be ashamed, Ernie. It is not your fault.

You could not do anything to avoid it. He is the bad gay! It is not your fault.

Do not feel ashamed for getting help from another person different to your friends or relatives and try to contact a Support group. I hope that you can find one close to where you live. Maybe you have luck and they can tell you where or how you can report it (with more success).

I would not change Hospital if you really have good specialists there... I know it is hard and extremely difficult to continue going to that hospital... But you should try to leave these negative reminders aside and think in possitive... Everytime that it reminds you... Think on something possitive... That you are on the way to a better health, that they are going to help... Anything that can help you through it.

Please, do not get down or this experience will hurt you even more than it did.

And if you feel much better this way, try not going alone to your medical app. and tests. It will make you feel stronger.

You have all my support, Ernie.

Love,

Tessa

[MomtoGiuliana]

I am also shocked, upset and distressed for you just to read this. You are strong and brave beyond words. As others have said, I support and believe you.

It is very likely that he is committing this crime against other defenseless patients. I agree with what others have said that there are support groups available for women who have been raped and otherwise abused and they should be able to advise you and support you, even though you are not getting cooperation from the hospital or the police.

You surely do not need any more trauma in your life and I am so upset that anything near this horrific has happened to you.

Katherine

[corina]

ernie,

i am lost for words here. i am so sorry this happened to you, thank you for trusting us and sharing your personal story. i wish i could help you more than just let you know that you are in my thoughts and offer you my empathy.

sending you a big hug,

corina

[Maxine]

Ernie,

I know you have been through so much already, and this is horrible that you were violated like that. He needs to be behind bars for a long time. What a terrible man to assult defenseless patients like this. I sickens me to know this goes on in a professional medical setting. This hospital sounds prehistoric, and like there's a bunch of Neanderthals working there. I'm hoping this guy gets caught! You are very brave for stepping forward with prosecuting this crazy idiot, and for letting the hospital know what has happened.

You have always been a woman of courage Ernie, and I admire this in you.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

HUGS,

Maxine :0)

[goldicedance]

Oh, Ernie....My heart goes out to you. I read your post last evening and was and still am at a loss of words to cover such a horrific and terrifying experience. I echo the sentiments expressed by the others who went before me in responding to your heartfelt post.

I was so bothered by your experience that I spent some time looking on the internet. Apparently your experience is not an isolated one.

Does your city have a Special Victimes Unit? Based upon your post, you seem willing to go forward with actions against this demented individual. Is there an attorney willing to work with you?

Please know that you will be in my thoughts. You are to be commended for sharing your experience. Perhaps that will be the first step in your healing.

Lois

[Rachel]

Dear, sweet Ernie,

I am so sorry that you have been treated so horrendously. It makes me sick to think of all that you were put through at the hospital, and all that they are still putting you through by refusing to take action against this employee. Rape is a serious crime and should never, ever be taken lightly. How horrible to suffer so much and then have the hospital and police force totally drop the ball when it comes to jusitce.

Thank you for having the courage to share with us what has been going on. We support you, care about you, and want only what is best for you. I wish we could all be closer to give you a shoulder to cry on as well. I hope that you can find a crisis line to call for help as you work through these things and seek justice.

I will be praying for you as you deal with this terrible situation.

Love,

Rachel

[MightyMouse]

My love to you Ernie.

If you think it will help you heal and feel empowered, do contact a women's crisis center for help.

thoughts of healing coming your way, Nina

[pat57]

I didn't read all the replies so this may be a repeat. But suggest to the police that an investigation of all patients he bathed be undertaken. I think they will find others. Failure to do so will enable him to continue.

And for you, seek out a support group of people who know what your going through and how to find healing.

XXOO

[dizzygirl]

Ernie you are one brave women.. my god... I believe you and i thank you for trusting us all enough on this board to share what has happened to you and the struggles that you are currently facing...... ernie it takes great courage to come forward about rape....thank you

Oh ernie I am so very sorry for what has happened to you.. and again so sorry for how you are being treated... its deeply troubling to see the you being victimized (police& hospital stafff..) over and over again...and especialy horrific that you have had to see this sick monster since your assault.

Can your husband possible go to the hospital with you when you have to go there? Or do you have a male family member that can escort you and stay with you when you are there? Or even a friends hubby that you trust?

most of what i would say has been said ernie... please know that my thoughts prayers and love are with you...

Ernie please hold onto your voice .. your courage.. your rights.. and hold on to the light that you will get thru this and heal from this trauma.

Much love to you

Linda

[Ernie]

My Dear Friends,

[goldicedance]

Ernie...

I am still thinking about your situation. It is amazing: Whenever I go for my gyn appointment, there is always a nurse in the room. I ha ve been told it is to prevent women from claiming a doctor's assault. Isn't it a pity that the same can not be said for a male nursing assistant bathing a female patient?

Be strong!

Lois

[Rachel]

Ernie,

I don't know how the legal system works where you are, but could you get a lawyer to help you with some of this stuff? Just to make sure that you are taking the right steps, the right precautions, and not leaving anything undone.

You said that the Ombudswoman said "the hospital and the rapist could sue me for harrassment and for damaging his reputation." It sounds like she's threatening you to keep you quiet. But you were the one who was wronged, and if you want to speak out and seek justice you have the right to do that! Having a lawyer to give you advice could help to keep you out of further trouble, and hopefully he/she could fight much of the battle for you.

I recently read of a woman in Canada who sued her local police force for failing to take appropriate action when she was raped, and she won her case. I hate that things would have to be taken to that extent to get justice, but if it would help to keep you and other women safe, it may be a good option.

Whatever you choose, we support you.

Rachel

[Poohbear]

I'm sorry this happened to you.

I know there is a lot of politics within hospitals. Can you or have you filed a complaint with the medical board? If this person was a nurse or an aide they still have to be liscenesed---report them to the board responsible for providing that individuals lic. Still....it may not get the results you want but at least it's officially on file and attached to that individual so that others will see the report if they do a background check (like if he goes to get another job).

You could also try contacting a reporter with a local newpaper or tv station to do a story and put pressure on the hospital but in doing this you would have to understand that it would become very public. It's a personal choice and you would need to decide if that is something you could tolerate.

Keep fighting and pushing for whatever you need for your own healing!

[Sunfish]

dearest ernie -

first & foremost, i am SO SO SORRY. ultimately there is nothing better than that to be said b/c words just don't suffice.

i first read your post just after you had entered it, before anyone else had even replied, & had been meaning & wanting to offer my words of support ever since. you're right, though, when you say that it's a hard thing to know the right words. that's no excuse for not saying anything, but true non the less. part of my delay in responding, however, probably had/ has a lot more to do with me & my own history than it did/ does with you. your post brought a lot up for me b/c i have my own history of being sexually assaulted, and while i would never dare to compare experiences, mine too was in a situation where i was faced with continuing to encounter my attackers (yes plural...mine was a gang-rape type situation). they were in fact people in charge of giving me reviews that were directly related to my being able to keep my college scholarship, so also in a position of power over me, so i know how horribly awful that can be. and while i regret it to this day, my fear of losing my scholarship, combined with fearing additional retribution due to threats that had been made, kept me from reporting the crime when it happened. i coped in ways that were less-than-ideal, and while i don't beat myself up for doing my best to survive at the time, i commend you wholeheartedly for doing what you have to report what happened, & will continue to support you to whatever extent you choose to fight, understanding that figuring out the best way to proceed can be a delicate balance in a world that operates in ways that can be ridiculously unjust.

while it is obviously only your decision to make, i would encourage you to find a safe way to continue working with the researcher that you have been happy to work with in other ways. while i know that it is easier said that done, & while you obviously want & need to feel safe, i would hate for the jerk (putting it mildly) to take even more from you by cutting off your ties to the research you have been so glad to get your family involved with in the name of learning about & battling the illness that has affected so many in your family. the idea of always having a trusted friend with you - either male or female - is a good one, & while i'm sure it still can't & won't be easy to return to that hospital, perhaps looking at it as a way to stick your strength in the face ofthe injustice might help you to do what many would find impossible.

others have already offered a plethera of wonderful words, such that i doubt i can add much that hasn't already been said. but know that my heart goes out to you, & that if you were any closer i'd find my way there to offer a hug & some empathetic tears. b/c to the extent that someone else can know how you feel, i do "get it" at least a bit. i too know what it's like to not be believed, as is the case for more people than anyone likes to realize. for me my unhealthy "coping mechanisms" soon after my assault included a lot of dishonesty, such that when i finally tried to deal with what had really happened many around me, including my family, thought i was lying. while i could/ can easily blame myself for others' not being able to trust me, it was still a terrible position to be in, and one i would never wish on anyone. to this day my parents, despite their support of me in many other ways & their acknowledgment that something did happen, have not "let me" tell them everything that happened to me. i know how rotten it is to be reaching out for help & support as well, i.e. via a group, & hitting dead ends. the difficultly i had in finding good support was truly ridiculous, but i urge you keep pushing & hope that the individual sessions prove to be helpful & healing for you. if the person you are set up with isn't a good fit, though, realize that you deserve to find someone to work with you IS, and keep searching. YOU DESERVE IT.

i can also tell you that, years later, i am not consumed by what happened to me. it is & always will be a part of me, but unlike the period of my life just after it happened, when i felt utterly consumed by the terror & humiliation of the event, it is a part of me that occupies a small part of me, one that is easily tucked away on a day-to-day basis. certain things do & will bring it up, whether it be reading/ hearing about another person's experience or being reminded that i still owe tens of thousands of dollars to the organization related to my assault, & there are times when i myself will bring it up if/ when it is relevant to a conversation with a friend/ family member, but 99% of the time it is something that i have control over as opposed to visa versa. so despite how far from that you may be feeling know, how that you CAN & WILL get to that point yourself. it may get worse before it gets better, meaning only that i encourage you to work through the icky stuff rather than simply try to hide it away (b/c that doesn't work...i tried!), but it WILL GET BETTER.

i wish that i could do or say something more, & hope that my post doesn't take away from what you're dealing with by bringing up my own history, but i wanted to reply & simply couldn't do so without sharing at least a bit of how much i truly can & do empathize with what you're dealing with. while i obviously cannot substitute for therapeutic support (group, individual, etc), if there is any way i can help &/or if you just want to chat feel free to send me a PM.

much love & strength,

melissa

[Sunfish]

p.s. due to a particular situation in my life recently that brought some "old junk" back up, i actually just joined a survivors' support forum. i looked through several before deciding which to join (though you can't see most of the discussion on most without in fact joining) & decided on one that seemed to be well-moderated, quite active & well-used, well-secured/ private, etc.). since i'm new there myself i can't particularly recommend it yet but in case you're interested it's called pandora's aquarium & can be found at www.pandys.org. and if you do join & i ever do get around to posting there, i signed up as "sunfish" there as well .

Edited November 26, 2008 by Sunfish
link error corrected

[Megan]

Ernie,

I'm proud of you for taking a stance like this. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs!

Meg

[Ernie]

Hi,

Thank you for your continuous support and suggestions