Give up ?!?

[Brwneyedchica]

So today was my first day of nursing clinicals (LPN). I got to school and out of my car and threw up in the parking lot. Everyone was staring at me. And I didn't feel any better so I just went on home. I was nauseated and had diarrhea when I woke up but tried to get through it and go to school. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a nurse like my mom and grandma. It seems as though this dream is coming to an end. At my last visit to the cardiologist he pretty much told me that there is nothing he can do about me being nauseated early in the day. He said to change my schedule and work around it, which i've done for several weeks. But I can't do that now. I scheduled my clinicals for the latest they are offered. It took me 4 years of being on a waiting list to even get into these clinicals. I am really upset and angry and frustrated. I can't accept that I'm going to live at home forever, and not be financially independant. I have a pretty good job now, at the hospital as a unit secretary. But when I was a little girl I didn't say yeah I want to be a secretary when I grow up. I can't accept that this is my life.I don't know what to do, withdraw and keep taking classes toward being an RN? I need a new life plan or something. I will be 21 years old next monday, instead of feeling like my life is just beginning, I feel like it is over.

[purplefocus]

Sorry you are having to go thru this. If you are unable to tolerate the clinicals for LPN, why not go ahead and go thru the RN program and by the time you fininsh that you may be at a good point in your life and doing better and up to doing the clinicals. Don't give up on your dream. I am an LPN and the job I have had for the past 15 years was very physical, I am not able to work now. If you go on and get your RN license then you could have a better chance at getting a "sit down" job in the nursing field than LPN's. Now don't get me wrong there is "sit down" jobs for LPN's but usually you have to already had experience. It's just a thought.

Paige

[Merrill]

Don't give up on your dream!!!! The world needs kind and compassionate people like you working in the nursing profession... I truly hope you'll do whatever it takes to stay the course...

I went back and reread some of your old posts -- did the reglan stop working for you? It seems you got some relief from the nausea when you were taking it. Are you still on it--or are there other meds you might try?

Have you tried any alternative (non-Western) therapies yet? I'm thinking acupuncture particularly... That might help! Are there any good practitioners in your community--or a short drive away? I'd also look into biofeedback and/or meditation.

I hope you get some relief soon so you can get on with your life ... in the meantime, you sent a message of hope to someone on June 7 -- a lovely poem. Keep reading it...

[Brwneyedchica]

I talked to the director of the nursing program today about them being able to accomodate me being ill at all. She seemed rude but I understand that rules are rules. She said that I can't miss, even with a doctors note. And I understand that. But then she went on to say "are you sure this is the right program for you?" If only she understood what i've gone through to get to this point, perhaps she would have had a little more compassion. She just made me feel like I was wasting her time, or looking for some kind of easy way out. I spent most of the day looking into other career options. I can't find anything else i'd rather do. I'm not passionate about anything else. I'm thinking that perhaps i'll follow Paige's suggestion and keep working towards being an RN. My only worry is that the clinicals are 5 semesters long versus 3 for the LPN program. My only hope is that i'll feel well enough to get through it at that time. It's going to take me a long time to get into RN clinicals. I've heard that there is a 3 year waiting list. But I have classes to take that could fill up that time. The reglan doesn't seem to make any difference. I haven't really looked into any alternative therapies yet, but at this point i'm open to anything. My cardiologist is very good, but he's so busy and hard to contact. I thought about trying some herbal teas or something different for the nausea. I don't know, nothing i've ever been prescribed or tried,seems to help. And of course i'm nervous about school and that I will be sick, so when I do actually get sick I get upset and that makes everything worse... I did make an appointment with a psychologist who sees patients with chronic illnesses like CFS, Fibromyalgia and MS though she's never heard of POTS. I spoke with her briefly on the phone and she was very nice. I have an appt for this thursday. I've never been to a doctor like this, so I'm not sure what to expect. I just want to learn how to deal with stress better, how to not feel guilty and like a failure when i'm sick and just how to deal with all of this. Thank you Merrill and Paige for your kind words! I know i'll get through this, I just feel like it's an uphill climb right now.

[purplefocus]

I wouldn't take what that director said personally. You know she probably deals with a lot of people everyday. I'm sure she has had numerous students trying to weasle there way out of stuff so she has to be cautious. Of course she isn't right to catergorize everyone if that is what she did but it very well could be. Do what you feel is right.

Paige

[blackwolf]

Dear Brwneyedchica, I agree with the others. DO NOT GIVE UP! I can not only sympathise but empathise. I to was well into my nurses taining when I got sick. In fact, I had talked the nursing home where I worked (CNA/Med Aid) into helping to pay for classes on agreement to work for 5 years for them. I was flying high then BOOM. Have you considered a position as a Med Aid/Tech. I don't know where you live, but many states have these positions. Some even except those as clinical experecne(like me in South Dakota). Many doctors offices are also excepting them to help in the office instead of paying the RN/LPN. I myself am considering becoming a councelor for people with chronic illnesses. Jsust a few ideas.

Please don't give up!

Blackwolf

[goldicedance]

Oh, how bad you must feel and oh how bad we all feel for your. Have you thought about going to a gastroenterologist or a neurologist to find a treatment for the nausea. Perhaps it is not necessarily related to POTS, but some other entity going on at the same time. Just a thought!

Perhaps you should look into a career that is more sedentary and less strenuous, but that is still medically related. How about a transcriber of doctors' notes. I know someone who started a work at home business doing just that. Such a business would provide you with necessary rest periods. Since you have a medical knowledge, you would be one step ahead of the game.

Let us know of your progress!

[Ladybug]

It's so interesting to me how many people in this forum are somehow involved in the nursing field. I too was going to school to become a nurse (like most of the women in my family, including my mom). I worked so hard in high school to get good grades, and it paid off when I got a full scholarship to my first choice university. I started college having already had POTS for a year- but then in my second semester I started having seizures. Obviously, I wasn't able/allowed to drive. I was/am still living w/ my parents and the school was about 40 minutes away- and was WAY out of the way for my family to take me. I tried for 2 1/2 years to keep going to school, withdrawing each semester because my health would be too bad to attend. Plus, you can't be a nurse if you have seizures- so I HAD to give up. I was SO depressed at first- home all day doing nothing. But now I have a job (my aunt is my boss and she picks me up and drives me to work) at a behavioral health center- there are so many jobs here that a person like you could do AND enjoy. In this time I've found a new passion- I love to cook/bake, and once my health gets under control, I'm going to go to culinary school. Make sure that WHATEVER you do, you pick a career that you LOVE and are PASSIONATE about!

Good luck,

Lisa

[Brwneyedchica]

I've thought and thought about it, and I just don't have the same passion for anything as I do for nursing. If I could just get through school, I feel like i'd be able to find a job doing more paperwork than anything. Perhaps a homecare nurse, or even working in a doctors office. I've looked into medical transcription classes offered online, but I'm not sure I want to go that route yet. I don't want to be stuck with some job that I hate waking up to every morning. I'm also going to make an appt with a gastroenterologist. My Mom has one who I remember was very good to her when she was ill. She if he can help me out at all. I definently know I want to do something related to the medical field. My job now is actually pretty good, i've always had really high hopes and high expectations of myself, so it's hard to "settle" with a job less than my "dream job."

[Brwneyedchica]

oops it posted twice...